One of those

I just realised that I could be one of those couples we always talk about, the ones that are married but actually unhappy without anyone knowing. Today, I tried to talk to him about something I disagree about him, and I thought it was a very logical request. All I did was request that he spend some precious time that we have with our toddler, which for him is only about 2 hours a day, instead of spending that time watching tv and doing other meaningless things while our toddler is at home. I told him once, maybe with a rather strict tone, thinking that he would get it. But within the same hour, he defied my request at least 3-4 times. I got impatient and asked him why he does what he does, I tried using a calm tone and low voice, as our toddler was playing right in front of me. At first he just kept quiet and ignored me, until I asked if I was talking to a wall,  which he started raising his voice and saying that I was trying to create problems and finding a reason to argue. We seldom argue by the way. Most times when I tried to bring something up for discussion, I get shut down by his passiveness and by the next morning, we just ignore the initial issue and life goes on. I know that men hates such discussions, but women needs them. Is it too much to ask for a proper conversation about something we obviously disagree on?

I just want to know if I was really at fault. Should I just go on in this marriage being the pleasing wife that never brings up my dissatisfaction in anything? Should I just pour my disagreement on this blog or to someone else? Why do men shut down in confrontation? At these times, I cannot help but wonder can our marriage last. We’ve been married less than 5 years and already, cracks exist. At these times, I always wonder if he regretted marrying me, the strong minded loud speaking lady. He probablywished he had married his high school sweet heart, who no doubt is an opposite of me. Here I am, after giving birth, an overweight, loud mouthed, speak my mind, controlling, demanding woman, who most won’t find attractive physically, then there is his ex, cute and charming, also a mother, but still beautiful and demure. How can I compare. I know for a fact as he has told himself that I am just the replacement because he got dumped. I was more the 2nd choice rather than the 1st choice. I must admit that it was the same way with him. I was dumped before I chose to be with him. I had a high school soul mate, well, the one I started this blog for, who pretty much dumped me as well. So, I guess we are each other’s 2nd choice. Yet I thought we could make it work. Sometimes it just felt like too much work, sometimes it felt like I was doing it alone. Is it supposed to be that hard.

Sure I probably can continue in this marriage for our whole lives, but am I trapped in an unhappy marriage like so many out there? Am I just really one of them? Should I avoid all arguments by keeping my feelings to myself, would that make him happier? I guess he felt disrespected, as I seemed to know much more and know how to argue with the theories and proven research facts, and that made him feel like I was boasting my knowledge. Then how else should I present my thoughts. It is hard just to tell him that couples are supposed to talk and sit down and talk about things. He’s the kind that tries to avoid talking below the surface. I’m passionate so when I talk about something I might tend to raise my voice to drive in the point, he thinks I am just scolding him. Sigh, what do you all think?

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