Vanity

Vanity, vanity, it’s all vanity…ever heard that? Rings true. Some time ago, met someone online. It always starts as an innocent friendship, and that is really what I want. I never want any thing more with anyone online, as I want to be a committed person. However, I admit that it’s not possible to just be friends that totally like each other with some one of the opposite sex. Writers have debated over this over the years. But how do you stop yourself, when deep in you, you already know that there is a sort of attraction there?

So, this guy, we met about a year ago, when I was still single, and so was he. He was much younger, and lived on the other side of the world. We found numerous things in common to talk about, but ultimately was the flirting possibilities that kept it on. He was not pressing, or persistant, and talked from the beginning about keeping it real, only friends is what we say. However, a mistake we made was we didn’t keep our affections about each other a secret, but easily spill it out over the internet. We weren’t anonymous to each other either, willingly exchanging photos and personal details.

There was a clear line we never crossed for over months. And then both of us got attached, at about the same time, me first and then him. We were acting like more than friends, and he did many things for me, like what friends would. He was also suggestive etc, though I never wanted to go with it. Until one day, he crossed the line and wanted me to come along. When I refused, it probably hurt him. And so he disappeared from the face of the earth, gone from my radar. I tried to apologise and told him why I just wanted nothing more, no reply. That was last year, so I am just writing to confirm that some things just don’t last. I was a little sad, as I liked the friendship part as long as we stayed well away from testing the waters, why can’t it remain that way, I would think, and yet I would know it wasn’t really possible. I guess this is not the first time that I realise friendships that cross the line can’t ever return to the way it was before. A case well proven…yet learned. I miss him…sometimes.