The odd other woman

Why is it that when you’re obsessed with someone, you’re also obsessed with the woman that he likes more than you? As much as I’m obsessed with him, always wanting to check out where he’s at..what he’s up to and all in all ways I can…I’m also wanting to find out more about her. It’s funny as he’s not longer with her…yet just the fact that he left me because of her caused me to obsessively be attracted to know her more. I find myself sometimes not just searching for his name online, but also hers.

And alas the knife strucks deep everytime I look at her, how pretty she is. How different she is from me, and in some ways how similar. She and I happen to love the same thing…had once loved the same man. Physically sad to say, we’re total opposites. She’s a hot chick, I’m an average plain jane. Her online profile speaks popularity about her…mine? Is just pretentious…ah well…I am thankful for who I am…just why do I torture self by doing this?

If you only knew

Putting on a brave front is not as easy as I had perceived…just at the brink of freedom and restoration…but falling back almost willingly.

The scars of pain…deeper than the eyes can see…what’s healed is the skin that covers the wound…leaving a small scar you would probably not notice…but deep is the scar that you caused…the wounds so fresh it won’t close up…the wound beneath the skin.

If only you knew.

Your love so passionate it burns…the fire of that passion had eaten up my soul. I strive so hard to regain myself…where is the part of me that was before you…it seemed to have been swept away with the current that carried you off.

I surprise myself to find the effects of a few days could last so long. Just like an accident that happened within a few seconds could cause an eternity of suffering…surely this can’t be made with such a comparison.

Yet, what’s unseen can sometimes seems so much worse. Surely it is not. A lie that won’t get off my back.

If you only knew.

The memories of you just won’t let go. Should I see you to forget you…will seeing you let reality set in…let the truth set me free…let me not dwell anymore in memories of yesterday?

9 months

Nine months and a day…that would be about the time needed for a mother to nurture a baby in her womb, from an egg, breathed with life…to a living, crying baby… Nine months ago…you came…and went…

Yesterday I was checking out somebody’s blog…this girl that I read a lot…she just found out that the guy whom she finally found happiness in had broken her heart…had cheated on her that he was not attached…had cheated on his girlfriend with her… she walked out strong…but is obviously shattered… a girl heart can be so fragile.

It just reminded me so much of that feeling I once went through, the unexplainable pain of a broken heart. The way it makes you blind and want to be blind forever. The way it takes away your ability to make clear decisions, how it just takes away one’s wisdom, replacing it with pure foolishness for all the bystanders that watch.

She was lucky…she had friends who cared that understood and consoled her with all their heart, their might and souls. I was alone. All too alone. No one to share with but my faithful blog…I fear the condemnation…I asked for it…I was stupid.

How simple life flows past us…nine months… just passed…