How to get over a breakup

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How to get over a breakup

If only time was on our side

When I first found you, my thoughts were, wow, we will have so much time to catch up…there's no hurry, let's take time to breath, take in the beauty of today, I knew you will never leave me again. I wanted to ask you so many things, what happened all those years, what had you been up to, what are your achievements so far, how has your dream changed. Remember we used to dream, one day we can walk down the beach together? Just us, thinking of not a worry in the world.
How about those times, I just loved making little things for you, personalising my gifts just for you. Or looking for cards, searching for the right wordings, the right poems, something that touches your heart.

I remember your jokes, you just love to draw those sketchy drawings, and tell stories just to entertain me and take me off the stress of exams, if I close my eyes, I swear I can still see those pics in my mind.

You're not the least perfect, not the most astonishing, yet my heart was drawn to you. My soul continues to call your name…even as I struggle to break free.

So, when I found you once again, I thought it would be forever. Surely, we will never part again, surely it was fate. I thought it too fast, maybe, said it to fast. Quickly, setting the road ahead to an assured failure. Today, we have a huge block, so thick, that I cannot feel you anymore. I wish I had cherished the short lived days more, but who can ever predict what would happen tomorrow, little did we know, time was not on our side. 

What's left, are tears, regret, brokenness, heartache, all these left for me to mend it alone. For who can understand, the foolishness we caused ourselves. Til now I don't understand, what do I see in you that caused such strong feelings. I don't know what I saw, what I see, I still don't. Is that what you call, that?

Truth be told, it was a lot of drama, so much drama, it deserved a blog to pen the stories. I felt caught, in the shoes of another. Once upon a time, I did wonder, how can my life be so perfect, not a storm that stirs my love, not a care in the world. Til what happened, happened, bringing me to the stormy seas, throwing me up and about, forcing me to make a decision that is so painful. We all need to go through it one day or another, so that we know, life is so fragile, relationships are so fragile, feelings are so fragile. And yes it's vanity, for it lasts not. Saith the wisest man that ever lived…all is vanity.  

Thinking so much

I have been thinking so much of him within this week. Is it because I am settling down that I think of him? Is there such a valid respond pyschologically? Anyways, since I have thrown away all possible direct contact to him except through email, I guess I feel safer. However, I actually send him something via email the other day, and I know he read. I feel bad after doing it, at the same I feel as if I'm trying to tell him that I've forgotten it all and moved on. But what am I telling myself I wonder. It feels terrible to be thinking of somebody else when I should just be thinking of one. Sometimes, it feels like cheating, emotional cheating. Does emotional cheating matter to men? Or is it only the physical that matters? I know I won't approve of me man emotionally cheating me…it's hard to say though, where do we draw the line. How do we know what's in the mind. Do you approve?

Making a commitment

After a few months after I decided to settle down, I told the truth to the one I would spend the rest of my life with. It had been troubling my mind and heart to hide this past from him, so I casually told him about it. He took it without question, and just seemed ok with it. 

After that, I found myself constantly thinking back of the past again. My mind kept wandering…Anyways, one thing I learned was not to consider that it never happened, but to surrender the hurts and pain back to God, that's the only way to overcome it.